April 27, 2009

Too late to catch,


enjoying the above right now wheet damn sweet, i prefer the original one.
and okay, i just got a sms from goodfriend about chem prac tomorrow.
and what do you think i should do? skip school like how i did the other time? nonononononono. i'm gonna pinch my face till i've got blueblack if i am gonna skip school because of it. lol and obviously i wouldnt want my face to suffer right.

k, start by reading for chem prac... after i bathe that is lol
note to self: hey zn, you're way behind the rest already, i mean WAY WAY WAY with caps behind. you're not gonna go anywhere if you're not starting or better still, not even helping yourself. you hate all those negative shits, so stop being such a pesstismist!!!

and the post below; i'm not so vulgar, really. i was just angry, so angry at myself, and i have no one to rant to. i just need a place to rant all these shit out. and it's gonna be the last time i'm doing it. i hate posts like that, it makes me sad.
back to being vulgar - that's just smokescreen, i'm actually.. a really sweet girl. haha

rugby match tmr! sa VS ac!

And for being dumb





world, so i thought about it again. what have i actually achieved/accomplished in the past one year and a little four months? planned to jot down a list of interesting ones, but i just cant think of any thing i did that i'm proud of.

first picture says it all, i want(to know) you so bad. but.... how?
***
i went to school today, with all my tutorials undone as usual. went on to econs tutorial, lyndon's our new econs tutor and i hope to impress him by performing better for econs the next time round, but how's it gonna happen when i'm the only one who did not attempt any questions before class today. it's been a year and four months, and i clearly remember that i've only handed up one fucking set of tutorial, done by myself for math, yes. and i very much detest math now, lectures and tutorials since vectors are fucking annoying and as expected, i have no knowledge about vectors and complex shit at all, i need so much help for math and i really dont like it when others tell me not to worry for math, the fact is that i'm not good at it at all and i've stop doing math since bt1, and that was how long ago? did i ever do chem tutorial by myself? well put it this way, did i even attempt chem at all? this year, we've gotten chongster as our chem tutor and he's really good. i mean he really helped the class and we(excluding me) improved so so so much, kudos to him and of course because the rest put in effort as well. shame on me for getting U again and again, i mean that's my one and only grade since i entered sajc, i have no will and motivation to do well. i dont want to disappoint chongster and i wanna cross U grade too, it's fucking embarrassing but i know it's impossible for me. my friends tried to teach but i'm just a dumbass and nothing will stay in my head - and i dont fucking revise. my bad. i know. i know what i'm suppose and what i need to do, but i just wont. i just....wont.
fucktard.

last week, i tried to start doing my tutorials at least, but i didnt try hard enough. i stopped after two days, and i'm back to sleeping in class, spending my time eating and on the computer, or just do nothing and let the world pass by - my favorite thing to do. look, till now, i'm quite sure i'm the only one who still leave my work completely empty, completely clean and that's pretty shitty. and to add on, i skipped a lecture and a tutorial today and dismissed myself early from school to....? nowhere. hate myself for that, why cant i just be more determined to do what i want. didnt i told myself to go watch the match? so where did i go in the end? then again, i'm so not grateful to weewong, she's so nice to us and i fucking did this to her, i really deserve a slap from her. two slaps.

i swear i dont study at all, i dont have to fake or to lie any shit about it and i'm not proud of it a single bit. how i wish i can actually clock myself and you know, do what the rest are doing - study at home/study in school/STUDY!!! but fuck no. everyone's doing so; all my friends, class, school, people who are sane and will do well, well i still believe that if some effort is put in, you'll see results. i guess the only time, the only fucking time i did studied was during promos and thirty five rank points was all i'm capable of. and i fucking wasted my whole of j1 and the past four months doing nothing. NOTHING.

when the fuck will i start studying, i dont know. everyone's telling me to do so, i know you people are all worried about me, i dont know how to react because i know i have to and just fuck myself that i'm so not doing any shit. fucking disappoint everyone who shows me concern and are expecting me to do well at the end of the day, i dont know but i think you guys can drop the idea that i'm gonna do well, i dont want you all to pin high hopes on me and then when it turns out the other way, you guys are really gonna be sad and i dont want it to happen. never mind about me since i'm just a failure.
k this my shit. you know i really want to study in school, with my friends, as a class, or just a group of friends blah. the o level days - still reminiscing those days when studying wasnt that boring, studying was so fun with wendytey, murali, ong, and of course my fellow beeones and friends around, it was fun. now, studying is so shitass boring and i cant study with my friends now please, we dont study the same way and it's so different, i dont know how to put it in words, but it's just this different kind of feeling, and lol by myself? even worse and i totally lose interest in doing anything especially related to studies. fucking waste my life away, i mean i can just sit there and watch you study and me doing nothing. holy crap.

i dont need anymore words telling me to study and shit, i know i got to. just, hey i really need some actions. talk is cheap, i always say that. all my friends are studying and me????? no no no, it's me. i'm fucking at fault. study, yes everyone should fucking study. ZN PLEASE START STUDYING!!!!! YOU'RE GONNA SMELL YOUR OWN BUTT AND EAT YOUR OWN POOOOO IF YOU STILL GONNA FUCKING WASTE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT.

then again, how am i suppose to start? my brain is totally empty like er deflated balloon. OH FUCK I SHOULD GET SOMEONE TO STAB ME RIGHT AT MY CHEST, I DONT HAVE H1 ANYMORE, WHAT OTHER EXCUSES AM I GONNA COOK UP THIS TIME ROUND?
k zn, just. start. by. doing. your. homework.
but, i've not done any homework since....
oh fuck i should really stop it.

April 25, 2009

ten

1. been sleeping a slightly more than 10hours per day for 5days consecutively (including naps), but seriously, am i old or am i..old? cant stay up late anymore, and i get tired so easily. this is so not me, this my shit this my shit.

2. alright remember my previous post? so after say five days, william lee still wanna meet my dad, yes special appointment so the whole day is dedicated to my dad/mom/sis idk. WIN. i mean forget it, i cant fucking change the fact that i've got ptm right. k for all you want then.

3 still stuck at sbj which just means i cant proceed on to the other four stations, grant me frog's legs please.

4. i realise i've tried almost all the stalls in sas's canteen, not just yong tau foo k. why yes i like new things. two more stalls to go.

5. chem lect on thursday, BEST!

6. all human beings should learn to put themselves in someone else's shoes. such a basic shit to care about others' feelings and thoughts but apparently, there's just so many who cant do it. shame.

7. cca's cip today at chinswee road, we cleaned the house for mdm yeo who's 80+year old, living in this one room flat unit. thought it's pretty meaningful, well come to think of it, i wouldnt even engage myself in such activity without being asked to? but surprisingly, it wasnt boring at all, even though i wasnt much of a help towards the end of the day(ended up watching tv hahaha), but it was actually fun helping mdm yeo to scrub the walls, arrange her stuff and such. not forgetting that she's so cute - she went to comb her hair before taking a group photo lol perhaps i should do this more often.

8. i'm BROKE. it's in caps now. be careful, i'm gonna rob you.

9. just because you dont get it, doesnt mean it's stupid. it means you are.

10. ten..

April 19, 2009

Our days repeating like its all we know,

am not sure what's wrong with the weather - so humid and hot, and it's killing me. last week saw me being a sickly puff, so i missed school again. six days, and i'm still unwell. how sad huh and i still have not complete my napfa. sbj is really annoying, i hope i'll kill it soon, i dont want to stay stagnant at just the first station forever. one word, weak.

parents tutor meeting thingy shit this coming week, i'm down for it, nothing surprising but yeah i managed to talk things out with mr lee just by saying that my dad is so busy and he do not want to see his face at all lol and my dad need not come to school, fucking waste of time. but in actual fact, my dad isnt aware at all about this ptm shit. well it's not as if meeting either one of my parent will do me/the rest any help. they cant do anything, it's me/us, if i/we want to do it or not, isnt it? the whole ptm shit is really lame.... we're old, enough. to think. at least? will skip about the doing part..





happy birthday nikki aiai! happy birthday wong majesty, wati and jiachuan! it's really cool and i can only scream coincidence that the three of them share the same birthday lol. spent my day after school with evonnie and we caught seventeen again, pretty cute, we had some good laugh in between, aint a fan of zac efron well but got to admit that guy is really hot. wong majesty and evonnie have been singing praises to me, and mostly about me and my baby fats, so much that i find myself too shy to talk to them hahahahahahaha. just kidding.

yesterday,






ctss carnival 09, went to that new site, and i dont like it lol, still. i missed the old school, the old and rundown building at commonwealth, and even the old ctss building itself at clementi then. this new site looks so, i dont know weird lol. but it's kinda nice to see familiar faces again, i have no idea when's the next time we all gonna meet up:( haven met nana for the longest, so glad to see her again and sorry i wasnt all friendly yesterday so i missed out saying hi to some people i knew and saw. missed seeing people like kevin yeo who went back super early and even though we were there at the same time as lina, i did not get to meet her up, alright seriously carnival 07 was shitass bombz, i can still remember how everything started because of our imba-ly awesome scream dimension!! what's left now, only memoriesssss


my merchs from fbr have arrived! thanks so much for your help joleen! would not get free shipping if we did not order our stuff together, and it would have cost even more expensive if i ordered them myself, i spent over 80sing dollars for the four shirts, still am excited since it's my first purchase from fbr online store and the tees are really nice. two x paramore, two x the cab, buttons were small but they're pretty cute. got to pin them somewhere. spent some money at hottopic.com, they should be arriving in two weeks.


fob's show last night at sam houston was cancelled due to the rain, not their decision of course. and atl's so so so so sweet, fyi they're on tour with fob, those guys wouldnt want their fans to be upset and they spent the rest of the day trying their best to find a suitable place for their secret acoustic show and even so if they knew the cops are gonna call them up for doing so, they still went on with the acoustic show last night with a little of about fifty fans who got the news from alex's, jack's, and zack's twitter. cops called after their seventh song, but still, the secret show was such a success! it's so amazing that it really worked out, and that's because alex and the rest were so determined to make it all happen. so sweet arent they? click for weightless acoustic at the secret show - alex's not singing much though, the fans sang yay everybody can sing weightless!found it on youtube, you cant see their faces cos it was all dark at night lol. i love those guys, down to earth, love their fans and what not. my motivation to save money seriously (so that i can fly outta singapore to hear them sing) haahahahahaha sorry but i like to dream

April 14, 2009

Current Obsession,

all time low, all time low, all time low, all time low.

selective eating haha.

April 11, 2009

Saturdaze,

my penpal from lyon, france, surprised me with a package! gosh i was so shocked and happy(happy > shock), realised i did not mention her at all in my previous posts, well she's pauline, and she's a year younger than me. quote j, "i hope you like this first package, i put a lot of love in it" in the package; sweets, snacks, nougats and chocolate from france, bangles and a gold necklace, drawings and pictures she made, cuttings from magazines and such, and a letter to go with, she's fucking sweet isnt she? this definitely is the first ever package i've received from overseas and i still am really excited :)









wowww so this is lyon!





good friday was spent with my dear girls, so we combed the whole of that building at chinatown, i dont remember the name of the building, haha but yeah we combed the whole place, went around looking for good deals for overseas trip or rather going out of singapore haha, cant wait. ended up dating jm after dinner, and we ran out of ideas of what to do, and where to go. sadie, we are poor kids :( so in the end, we ended up at cityhall again, our meeting place that day! i need a new list of places to visit and things to do, minimum amount of cash needed of course!




oh and i kinda lost my voice from all the screaming and cheering on thursday. stupid.

Round in circles..


pw was definitely a chore, annoying indeed. just really glad that every one of us survived till the very end, and yesterday marked the end of pw officially when our results were released. no doubt that we improved tremendously as a school, i thought many of us deserves better. take the amount of effort taken into consideration, all the group leaders, definitely, deserves nothing less than an A, but it wasnt the case, well i too thought the whole class should get an A.. don't worry, i'm not disappointed at all, just wondering and sorting out thoughts about some issues as you can see lol. don't let this affect us too much, at least we knew we gave our best shot people! (L)

and evonnie, i did receive your long email! i was smiling and going 'awwww evonnie...' constantly while reading your mail, memories of the various incidents and events that happened during the pw days just came flashing back. i didnt know you can be so sweet! joking lol, i knew my evonnie's the nicest person in the world :) missed those days where we camped at com lab, the whole com lab to s28 almost all the time, am pretty sure we'll never get to experience it again already.. i'm really really lucky, or rather, i'm very fortunate to be in the same group with all four of you, seriously..

i know it's not the first time i'm saying this, but you guys meant too much to me; venny, evonnie, angela and dan, i seriously can't imagine how i am going to do this initially plain dumb shit without every single one of you. days where venny and evonnie spent so much time editing and look through our wr and our assigned work again and again, trying to get the best out of it. it was all plain hard work, i really wished i could help but my poor command of english doesnt make myself helpful at all.. and i still feel rather bad because of it, it must have been a pain and you girls sure were pretty irritated to edit stuff like what i wrote haha faint at my english!!! and hey remember our flea for pilot study? we stood under the scorching hot sun, trying our best to sell away our preloved. dan's definitely the man for making our pilot study possible. it was my fault for making you guys go down to sungei for the second time later on, and i was really guilty and feeling so bad but you guys assured me that everything's gonna be alright, and agreed to take time off from your busy schedules just to go down again for our pilot study. felt that i have the most understanding group members in the world, it certainly would not turned out this way if i didnt get you guys in my group, i would have gathered much hatred if my members were mean people grrr. op was the bomb, the writing and editing of the scripts, oh god. dan didnt need the script at all, he's pretty rad at this haha. and got to thank venny and evonnie for helping us out again and again, to correct my pronounciation as well as my script..

not good with my words, but just wanna let you all know that you guys really, really made it all happened. i will never and hey it's not even possible that i'll complete pw at all given my ability, you guys are the one who made it possible, you guys are the one who made this chore, a whole lot of fun instead.

April 06, 2009

I don't want to dream anymore,

i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, i am the only one in class who failed gp, gay pride..