September 23, 2009

i hate my negative shit,

i'm not supposed to be a pessimist.
i tried to hold my tears back in school, but i cant help it. i cried, three times today. so fucking detest myself for being so negative, but i just cant help thinking about the flip side. i've failed so badly once again. my results, SUU for 3H2s, i'm getting low Us and i failed gp as usual. prelims, failed me. i expected it all - my horrendous results. i'm alright with it since i know that's what i should get as well, i did not put in effort to help myself get any grades higher than U. i'm supposed to learn from my mistake and not to slack anymore, or should actually get angry with myself, but no. whats going through my mind; i felt dumb, i felt stupid, i felt like a completely airhead, you know, i have zero knowledge in my brain, and how am i suppose to go in the exam hall in forty odd days? are you fucking kidding me? i'm fucked up aint i?
but i'm okay seriously, i just have quite a bit going through my mind.

seriously, i have completely no idea of when will i start showing and making effort to help myself pull through this shit. SUU, wowsome shit. a levels, i hate you so badly. you're causing me to becoming a pessimist! i'm gonna kill you, i dont know whether a month's time is enough for me to get you down, but i guess i'll have to give it a try. i have to, this time. (i know this is not convincing at all, i've been saying this since j1 - well you know talk is cheap) alright i should stop this negative shit. cmon it's just forty odd days more, why cant i just mug the shit out of myself? push me.

i'm alright seriously, i just need to rant.

i'll throw in some happy pictures from last sunday, with @_lovehatehero, fleatitan in the afternoon, saw many familiar faces at the flea as well, rachael! then we roamed around the city before settling at marina at night. our pact's gonna work out for sure. let's do this shit together!!!!!!!~~! :)

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