March 24, 2010

Real with me,

my current hair now, w and w/o flash.

dyed and trimmed my hair yesterday, called goodfren - @cixian along, it was an impromptu decision. supposed to dye my hair together with melissa earlier in the day but ended up dialing goodfren, well she wanted a hair cut too. so my goodfren's having short hair now, yeah short hair. can you imagine? but it looks pretty good on her, like a schoolgirl (and also idk like the daughter of some veggie stall seller in the market) i wouldnt bear to snip my hair off to her current length, now that my hair's kinda long.

i've been occupying myself with lots of movies, tv series and travel blogs. began watching skins few days back (ikr im fucking slow, but still..) and i got hooked onto it. three seasons in two and a half days. loved every characters, and everyone's beautiful.

i want, no i need. i need to visit at least two countries by the end of this year.
at least two, i dont care.

look, i dont want to idle. i want to fucking work. i did try, i tried asking at many places but no one's willing to even give me a try because im only available till mid april(lets hope np accepts me)which is like... two plus weeks. who the fuck will hire me? financial crisis101. i realised it since very long ago, yet im still spending way too much.
i think i've wasted yet another month away, isnt it? i said the same thing a month ago, yeah right. i've not forgotten it at all. i fucking hate myself for this, it's not as if i'm that young and i've got a lot of time to waste. i've already failed in so many things, i get a U in my life mans. now im just afraid i'll waste the whole of 2010 away.... and thats one whole year. fucking hell.

i hate thoughts like this in the middle of the night.
everyone pray, i'll do alright in life.

March 18, 2010

And i'll feed off the wounds that bleed, and tear you away from me.

im lagging once again..
edited the layout anyways, larger font for better viewing pleasure?
so paramore's last weekend, fucking awesome! and awesome's just an understatement. i had such a great time, together with thousands other peepos, headbanging, jumping, screaming and singing along to all my favorite songs. i love let the flames begin so so so much, it meant a lot to me somehow hmm, parafuckingawesomemore (Y) striked off a band from my "bands i have to catch live before i die" list. alltimelow, im waiting for yourss.

last week, oh i had a hard time deciding what path should i take next. dug out all my o's stuff, went to a few polys, did lots of researchz on the private institutions and if it's possible for me to take a degree privately(turns out it isnt). anyways i've applied for poly but i dont know if i've made the right choice, because i always dont. deep down inside me, i think i should look for a job now, and stay w it for as long as i can - my mom thinks im bullshitting. no but seriously, i'd love to! i'll earn some money, then i'll spend them all travelling and shopping, then i'll go work for my travel funds again, and you know that kinda cycle. i dont think it's too insane because it might work out, but i have to work super hard, since all i have's an o level cert.. boomboompow. but then again, i hope np accepts my application..


i'm not making any progress.
and i hate this.

March 07, 2010

A change of scene,

we sent jm off at the airport on thursday night/friday morning. well i didnt expect it to be so soon, i still remember the day when she broke the news to us about heading to china for a few months, and times where i kept commenting about how good beijing cabbages are even though she isnt going to beijing lol oh well time flies, i dont have to repeat that in my every single post haha. so jm went on the jetplane already, and i dont know if she'll be able to read this, because china apparently blocked blogger, you know china and their restrictions? i'd be lying if i said i wasn't sad that she's heading to china - there'll be no one entertaining me every night(for a goddamn five months)! yeah i've become quite accustomed to chatting with her almost every single night, about almost everything you can think of, i think im gonna bore myself to death within a few days.. k though we've got skype, msn and all, it wont be the same as just having to go out for a date or grab some bite with you, hy and cj! we will miss you till you get back, have a wonderful trip and be sure to tell us all about your life there with lots of picturesz in your emailssssss k? tell us about china boyz also can.

we met up for the last time before she left, and huiyi treated us all to wendy's! whoopie, a looooooong chat we had, then we sat along esplanade area and took quite a number of picas, i'll just throw in a few.

my last post says it all, i did so badly. i've got straight ASSES. hahaha if only that's my grade, i'll be happy already, at least i've got an A. but nah, i've got almost straight S-es. except math which was a D. well just look what i've done! who the hell fail with such a grade.. not crying over split milk because i know yeah, no point.
a's made me feel so helpless, so much of a power it has. it's quite saddening that a few alphabets on a paper actually decides what's your future isnt it? but it's just like that, and it's hard to even change this fact. i'm keeping my options open for now, and i'll make a decision by next week. two years back, i chose jc route because i didnt know what can i do in poly. and now, its all about the same decision i've to make again. people are telling me to "do what that interests you", to be frank, i dont know what interest me. perhaps music that is, but i know i cant really go far and earn much in future. it's all about earning lots of money isnt it? you get a degree in the universities so that you can earn big money in future w a better job and position, no? if i choose to retake, or to repeat j2, i will slog the fuck out - actually i dont know if i will because i'm all alone, and i dont have any discipline to. and do i really want to? i have so much doubts, probably because i have enough of it already. i cant count my desire for good grades especially after sitting for the real one myself once, where do i even get that perserverance and courage. private institution? all i can is to get a private diploma since my a's cert is completely useless, so i'll need to depend on my o's cert to get into one. and private aint cheap. okay just some thoughts going through my mind, i hope i'll make the right choice this time round..

anyways i wanna thank all of you who's cheering me up (i'm okay! really! just sorting out thoughts hee love you all), giving me advices, helping me along. those who're always there w me and those whom i seldom talk to, sending me texts and messages asking and letting me know that you guys are always here w me no matter what. i cant be thankful enough for you people seriously..

note to self, "i'll be fine."

ps: i cant wait for paramoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's later!! and i know the whole world's going, fucking eggcited. they're going to make me very happy.

March 06, 2010

And that's two wasted years,

so i've failed my a levels..
what am i going to do?

1. retake, so back to j2 (which also means to go through this whole cycle again, do i really want to? )
2. a gap year (so i'll work at the same time, and be a private candidate or some sort....)
3. poly/private institution (do i want to waste three/four more years this time?)
4. work the fuck out (how much can a O level cert holder earn?)

idk. i'm so lost.
no point brooding over it i know. but i have completely no idea what to do.. blank. i've to plan something out real soon. tell me, what should i do?

March 03, 2010

Miss Capucine,

this is unbelievably cute,

once upon a time... from capucha on vimeo.

so it's "i want you to be happy day" today (mar 3), i've seen it on twitter, though i didnt know that such day actually exist (i'd thought its just some other day created by the greeting cards company, but it's actually a day sponsored by someone living in florida) you could tell from the name of the day that it's a day to make someone happy no? so do something to make someone happy right away, put a smile on someone's face! even if it's just a text, or a phonecall. i want all of you you you you you to be happy.