May 28, 2010

Salt skin.

i like to think that someone somewhere would like to be with me... so that night was surreal, and weird. i had fun. our glances at each other, do they mean something? it felt like i've known you for ages, which is obviously bullshit. i think i got in too deep, i dont even know. i'm not usually like this, at all. mutual, or not? wishful thinking, i might become the next bigtime joke fullstop. so tell me what do i do?

i'll find some time to edit the layout when im free. meanwhile just bear with this one i have here, looks pretty neat. but i hate the font.

May 25, 2010

And wasting away,

it's 1:42am and im typing this in bed, with my hair all wet. and i am suddenly reminded of certain things that happened in school. school's horrid, projects to be exact. i hate projects, well i guess i should stop right here. and crap, june's arriving.. what have i done so far other than fucking things up over and over again. seriously, 2010 i hate chu' so bad :(
my sis turned 20 two days ago, wow, tweeeenty. myself too, in a year's time.'t-Good-Enough

haha and because i'm pathetic. i just wanna be happy, is it too much to ask for?

May 18, 2010

There's a vulture on my shoulder, and he's telling me to give in.

if you're preordering too, let me know. check out fueledbyramen store as well. we can share shipping fee tgt! im preordering it this weekend btw.

May 16, 2010

There'll be days like this,

so as i was uploading these pictures to photobucket, i noticed i'm wearing leopard printed stuff pretty frequent recently,
white leopard printed top: (when mins make a trip down to np)

leopard printed dress: (min's birthday dinner)
at some idk-whats-the-name jap restaurant at 313
my fooood! (Y) haha taken using my lousy fujifilm camera

this is a shot i took of @cixian, haha was trying to be artsy all haha

leopard printed spag tank: (hooked on flea at club7)
my sexy sexy goodfren hahahaha
and i have a red one and a pink one as well in my wardrobe,
imma get a grey one, and a sweater someday.
oh so i rented a stall at a fleamarket for the first time w goodfren, and mins joined us later that day. sales was actually pretty good, we sold quite a number of our preloved stuff, wrote a list for it. the venue's pretty good too, and ty everyone who contributed to my additional moolah over the weekend. zip over to fb/her blog, haha im lazy to upload everything.

im so tired every single day, even though i haven been studying or doing anything that requires lot of energy.. i think im falling sick! i cant wait for next week (haha i say this every week), and i know right tomorrow's just the start of a new week haha but everything seems so draggy and all. i have second thoughts on cca, im thinking if i should use my wed evenings to do some part time courses, so that i can know more shit, know more skills and try not to be so useless anymore (knew this 93' kid last week, and he can play 7 instruments, and he knows how to speak in 6 diff language fluently - he even have cert for all), or should i just start working already..... social life vs personal issue vs $$$$ sigh
anyways, meet my classmates, super cute and awesome bunch of people to hang w in school,
they damn cute hor haha
im the oldest here! so im kinda known as the big sis wtflol hahaha. but i blended in pretty well i guess?

this week marks the end of a month in poly! hurrrraaaaayyyyyy
but i have thirty five more months to go.

May 11, 2010

Beautiful girls all over the world,

i could be chasing but my time would be wasted,
they got nothin' on you baby,
nothin' on you baby/
they might say hi, and i might say hey,
but you shouldn't worry about what they say,
cause they got nothin' on you baby,
nothin' on you baby...

i like this song! finally an r&b/hiphop song thats not talking about whores and sex or what not. catchy as hell as well. right, i haven been blogging since forever, this place seems pretty empty, if not, full of dissatisfaction and displeasue. sigh, well but the blogging bug's back again. i'll post some pictures soon though! some happy ones to kinda liften up this place a little. sigh, school's pretty hectic, i mean it's worse than my jc life. haha i dont even feel much stress in jc, but right now in np, i do... especially everyone's so driven and yes my course seems really competitive. i mean seriously, jc isnt that scary, and people dont mug that much in jc. jc's fun too!! i dont get why everyone thinks jc is just about pure mugging. i mean yeah they do, but its not just pure mugging. lol yet i think poly is. i think im going to start studying for my ct from next week? crap. someone ask me out to study please, i would very much appreciate it.

well im sitting alone, w my mac, my bag, listening to some acdc or idk playing on the music station here, though im not a fan of them (but i dont listen to jazz/newage/classical either) and two books that i feel like borrowing. haha talk about books huh - i mean cookbooks. and im so early today! well thats because i went for this interview, man it's a total fail for me.
i went in and the first thing i got was, "hey remember not to wear shorts for any interviews. oh and no singlets as well (i was wearing a tank top)". f for fail. okay other than that, everything's kinda alright, im just speaking from my heart, facts and truths throughout. then came this question, what do you see yourself in 10years? i said oh i would probably be working admin in the cbd? i mean its kinda typical. but if i do have free time, i've of course dedicate time to music, i wont do it for a living if its right here in singapore. i told them this, sad to say this is somehow true and we do have to face reality. but deep down, i wanted to tell the panel that, i'd probably be a mother of two or even three (since i see myself getting married before 25, and by 29 i should be having kids no?), oh mixed blood, haha and probably been travelling around with my hubs. we travel around so much, that we dont even have a specific location/home. we head to music festivals, we cook for each other, we take care of our kids,we have sex all day...and so much more. no but most importantly, we are so in love. haha they could've just gave my chance away if i said that.

May 03, 2010

May 01, 2010

May is here,

i hate making plans, plans wont work for me at all, you get all stoked 'bout the future and then the next moment, feeling sorry for yourself. i hate people who dont give a fuck even if they should be heavily involved in something. i hate goodbyes. i hate how you make me feel like shit. i hate people who dont cooperate. i hate school. i hate how i behave differently in front of different individuals, so much of a difference that i dont even know who i am, i dont even know which is the real me. i hate to pretend i'm quiet, demure and everything because i'm fucking not. i hate how everyone's so competitive. i hate how my dreams are unrealistic, yet i just want to keep on dreaming. i hate how dumb i am, i carry a lot of guilt and regrets when it comes to studies. i've failed. i hate how i envy people who are good looking, smart, healthy, talented, and rich. i hate myself. i hate being the fatter ones among my friends, i hate the fact that im flat chested. i hate how dependent i am. i hate how my mom have to work the fuck out to pay for our daily expenses. i hate how i have to save up and pay for almost everything myself, which some people can just get hold of them easily. i hate how people dont know me and fucking judge me, say things that are not true at all. i hate how people change, and i'm disgusted very much. i hate to explain myself, do i really have to? i hate how my voice fucking suck now, i hate how i cant even project my voice the way it was previously. i hate how i'm just so shy with strangers, sometimes even friends. i hate how i just cant be contented with what i have. i hate how people are being so supportive, because i dont fucking deserve it. i hate how i miss talking to you so much. i hate how i cant do, and cant study the things i want to. i hate the fact that im turning nineteen and i dont even know what to do when i grow up, i dont even want to think of it, it's scary. i hate how i feel so negative about everything. i hate how i have so much guilt inside me. i hate how i act like i dont care, though i fucking do.
i swear i hate everything at this point of my fucking life.

right, i feel much better now....