May 01, 2010

May is here,

i hate making plans, plans wont work for me at all, you get all stoked 'bout the future and then the next moment, feeling sorry for yourself. i hate people who dont give a fuck even if they should be heavily involved in something. i hate goodbyes. i hate how you make me feel like shit. i hate people who dont cooperate. i hate school. i hate how i behave differently in front of different individuals, so much of a difference that i dont even know who i am, i dont even know which is the real me. i hate to pretend i'm quiet, demure and everything because i'm fucking not. i hate how everyone's so competitive. i hate how my dreams are unrealistic, yet i just want to keep on dreaming. i hate how dumb i am, i carry a lot of guilt and regrets when it comes to studies. i've failed. i hate how i envy people who are good looking, smart, healthy, talented, and rich. i hate myself. i hate being the fatter ones among my friends, i hate the fact that im flat chested. i hate how dependent i am. i hate how my mom have to work the fuck out to pay for our daily expenses. i hate how i have to save up and pay for almost everything myself, which some people can just get hold of them easily. i hate how people dont know me and fucking judge me, say things that are not true at all. i hate how people change, and i'm disgusted very much. i hate to explain myself, do i really have to? i hate how my voice fucking suck now, i hate how i cant even project my voice the way it was previously. i hate how i'm just so shy with strangers, sometimes even friends. i hate how i just cant be contented with what i have. i hate how people are being so supportive, because i dont fucking deserve it. i hate how i miss talking to you so much. i hate how i cant do, and cant study the things i want to. i hate the fact that im turning nineteen and i dont even know what to do when i grow up, i dont even want to think of it, it's scary. i hate how i feel so negative about everything. i hate how i have so much guilt inside me. i hate how i act like i dont care, though i fucking do.
i swear i hate everything at this point of my fucking life.



right, i feel much better now....

4 comments:

jingmin said...

hugs <3

Anonymous said...

Besssstieeee~~~

wan ting said...

-hugs-

hope you'll find yourself soon!

Bart van der Vaart said...

I really like your style!
I'll follow! Please visit my website @
http://justflirtingwithtime.blogspot.com/