April 22, 2011

Sleep deprived.

not gonna lie, these past couple of days had been tough. i'd always have problems trying to control and deal with my emotions, and my mind's been running wild. it is not only taking a toll on me mentally, but physically as well. right, somehow i fell sick just before school starts, and conveniently took it as an excuse to skip all my lessons. it's been a week into school, and today's the first day i actually crawled out of my shithole and made my way to school.. i havent been sleeping well, been tossing and turning on my bed for at least three hours before i blacked out everyday. insomnia. even crying myself to sleep doesnt work anymore. wow, totally reached a whole new level.

now, all i want to do is sleep, and just fucking sleep. and i want sean back to me. maybe i'm just really selfish, but i feel so helpless and there's nothing i can do besides missing him even more :'( i'll just end up washing my face with tears, not like it'll do any help, but that's just all i do. better still, send a hell lot of texts to him, make him worry and he had to call back home to get his family to look after me. i would say, probably the damages from welling everything up. sigh i'm such a horrible person... in fact, i havent really been my usual self, i've been crying so much for the past couple of days, good gracious... one point of time i felt like i have nothing more to do w myself anymore, no idea how did his absence triggered so much negative thinking. it's not like he's not contactable or anything, he has been calling me every single day! yes he is very sweet, i love him too much. i'm just weird and...not in my right mind. there's so many things caught in my head..... or maybe i'm just clearly sleep deprived.

URGH is it too much of an expectation to hope that i can get rid of insomnia? i just want to shut down my mind, stop thinking shit for once and have a fucking good sleep......

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