August 22, 2011

Have a little faith in me,

this morning, i woke up to sean's mom's text:
"all the best to your exam and god bless. we all have faith in you to do well cause you are a smart girl :)"
thanks for having faith in me. thanks for believing in me.
i dont know what i've done to deserve so much love, but i'm truly blessed.

i'm constantly afraid of letting sean down again and again, i've always been a disappointment. i've been to my bottom and it's not exactly easy climbing all the way up alone. so thankful for all my beautiful girlies who have been encouraging me all these while, and of course, sean. it's not an easy task handling a girl who's so emotional and unpredictable w my temperament. but he do it all so well, especially the whole of last week. we even had a big tiff because im having exams now yet i had not and didnt want to study, and he kept on pushing me so hard (i asked him to, yet i didnt even put in any effort) that we both got annoyed. last weekend, as usual, i started feeling sad all over and gave up on my studies. but this time, sean came to me, and wrapped his arms round my body. i needed that hug so bad. i started crying, telling him how much of a disappointment i am and i would fail him again, i'm really lousy. i used to be able to do it, but i cant anymore. i'm a dumbfuck.. he hugged me even tighter, and said "results dont matter, i'm proud of you as long as you're tried your best. i'm proud of you as long as i know that you didnt give up, you tried. you matter to me the most."

sean, i just want to say thanks for pushing me, and getting mad at me if i didnt put in any effort. i knew you got mad not because you gave up on me, but because you cared, and i like how you use reverse psychology on me and it pretty much worked. you know i'm just really scared of another failure, but you're always there to comfort me, to assure me that i could pass any tests, and even do well. thanks for not doubting me, even for a second.

1 comment:

jm said...

<3<3