July 22, 2013

Fats all over me

i can't stop binge eating. i can't. people who care are all coming to me and telling me about my weight gain, well not weight exactly, they're all fats  - which is pure disgusting. what else can i to say to myself. i'm all to blame. i tried to skip dinner today, and of course it didnt work out for me. i ate even more than i should. in fact, i binged on five bowls of cereal w PB (that's deadly), six oreo cookies, dimsum and crackers, jellies, wings, a huge bowl of noodles, two bowls of desserts, and a plate of fried carrot cake all to myself in a single day? that's it, i just cant do this. whenever i'm at home, i eat and eat and eat, non stop. i'm already fat and i feel myself getting fatter. and then what, i always end up feeling like shit. i am not trying to be annoying but my face is fat, and i'm not fit at all. also, i cant fit into most of my clothes anymore and this is making me really crappy all day. it's impossible for me to lose some weight for krabs, sigh. no more bikini photos for me. (also, im definitely gonna eat till my heart's content in krabs, jeez) i am contradicting myself and i dont even make sense anymore. but one thing for sure - i'm just, extremely fat beyond words.

why cant i do this anymore, fuck. i need to get healthy. i need to. got to start changing up my meal plans when i get back from krabs. i swear to god, i'm gonna lose all that shit after krabs.

July 17, 2013

S,

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even after all the crap we have been through, i know that love will take care of us and we will be okay in the end. thankyou for sticking through till the end when you had every reason to leave.

July 16, 2013

Flawed.

i cant believe i'm still facing self-acceptance issues, even when i'm turning twenty two.

July 01, 2013

You got my back against the ceiling,


someday you'll be loved again.
i could lie and tell you we could still be friends but you know it ain't true.

mom just poached some salmon for me, along w my bowl of oatmeal, and honeydew cut-up i know that's such a weird combination. and then i sinned myself w almost the entire pack of tapioca chips.... i need to hate this thing, but i just cant. that's only dinner, if you wonder. of course, it didnt just end there. we went out for another meal after that lol. i just cant stop eating, gosh. well, i might not be successful in life just yet, but i definitely treat my tummy really well. it's so good to be my tummy (haha whutt)

that being said, i'll be off to taipei tomorrow morning and wont be back until next week - think street food, night market, street food, night market; and that on repeat. but i'm quite excited to try some food though, we even came out w a list of food to try - i call that the do or die list. you know, i'm so gonna ruin my waistline. i'm not even kidding. but taipei, lezz go!