October 30, 2013

Food for thought,

"when you find the right person, it should not be boredom that ensues, but immense comfort as you begin to know the other person like yourself. to be able to sit down with someone and not care about you look or act, to share the same inside jokes and memories, is the greatest luxury anyone can ever, ever have.
new people bring excitement, a thrill of the unknown. but we always discard our new jeans for our old ones, simply because they mould to our every curve with ease, and they always, always make us feel good about ourselves." - (source)

on a totally unrelated note, my colleague bought me four mini chiffon cakes this afternoon YAY!! - but on a mission to make me fat. sigh i cant say no to cakezxz. came home to four cereal boxes last night, i can have a whole box of cereal for just one a meal (yes go wtf) i think i mentioned it before. i actually collected cereal boxes from all the cereals i had since june. i shall do a count this december, im sure it'd be shocking.

o-K

i dont remember how but i was exchanging words w a classmate otw home, and we started talking about how guys become friends w guys, and how girls become friends w girls; i insisted that the former was easier.

me: guys can just go on and on about army, everyone have smth in common man, talk about sports, talk about games. well as you can see i cant really talk to any girls in class, you know right?
J: that's because you are different
me: different?
J: you dont know anything korean

absolutely spot on. and im not even trying to blend in. never.

October 21, 2013

Fuelled by self-doubt?

i hate how there's always this voice at the back of my head, telling me that i'll never succeed or be good at anything i do. i'll never be good enough. i'll never be pretty enough - i probably shouldnt bother about this at all, but yeah that's just me. go ahead and say that im superficial. i go around telling people to look at the bright side, be postitive, and dont worry about shit because everything will be just fine - or if not, better. but ironically, im the one who always freak out internally. talk about positivity. why cant i use them words on myself? i'm so damn tired of being alone, i absolutely hate it. i dont know what i want in my to do w my life at all. last night, i was watching my old vids, vids i did back in 2008/09 days where i had a passion in everything i do, and when i just want to go out there and experience shit, i do anything and everything because i want to do it. what's happening to me right now? the fuck? i had the time of my time. but what now? am i gonna stay right here, my own fucking comfort zone (that is surprisingly not comfy) or what. not to know who you are is probably the scariest thing a person can feel in the world. what you want comes way after. not knowing who you are is almost like you dont even exist inside out, and that is just sad. i need to stop questioning myself about my self worth, and stop feeling like the biggest failure around, i dont know how not to, but i got to. i need to be more positive about my image too. wow ok this weight gain shit is seriously making me really depressed. and ok woah i just typed all of this crap while at work, stellar.

B/W

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Visuals: Jewel Cafe + Bar // Baker & Cook

im trying to clear photos from my lappy, and alright i guess i should REALLY get down to update this space. some visuals for y'all, though way way wayyy backdated.
this was back in like what, may? sean and i were still figuring things out well oh well.
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i absolutely cant decide where to head to or what to eat most of the time, which really is a serious issue because it takes up a lot of my time! reading the menu online beforehand is not even useful, yeah. well my friends all know me very well. so prior to this visit, i actually labelled about twelve places to go? and sean had to randomly pick a number. well i do that quite often tbh. and jewel cafe + bar that is! all the way at rangoon street. we were keen to have brunch actually, but since it was on a weekday.... that could only happen if we were there between 7 to 11am for their bfast menu. well, we reached 11am sharp (SIGH what in the world) and we totally missed the bfast!!! bfast menu always appeals to me, so much more than anything else. so i had a really hard time deciding what to eat because i didnt fancy anything from the lunch menu. i was pleading if they could make an exception for me and serve me some eggs (hahahaaa) but they couldnt, and i understand... should be earlier if i were to have bfast next time.

i had nothing to complain about the coffee, it was nicely done. though, sometimes i think i'm a little biased, i will rave about how good sarnies' coffee is (it really is.... REAL coffee people, best one indefinitely ard the cbd area), the food was mediocre. nothing amazing. the lunch menu really dont really have a lot of variety, and it just didnt quite appeal to me. nevertheless, we had a good time there. it was on a weekday, thus it was quite quiet.. man, i do miss weekdays like this!

Jewel Café + Bar
129 Rangoon Road
Singapore 218407
~10 min walk from Farrer Park MRT

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made our way to robertson quay the same day for tea, my undying love affair w baked goods and pastries... sigh im such a fatty. the lemon tart was good though, i love anything lemony! i still have not tried their breakfast menu though, how slow i am. sigh i need a date man.

Baker & Cook
Martin Rd, 38A Martin Road #01-01
Singapore 239072

October 20, 2013

Luke Friend.



only know you love her when you let her go. and you let her go.

October 15, 2013

WHY

been trying to eat healthy for the past week, it worked at first. then things happened, and i cant stop myself from snacking between meals. of course, i gave in. im fucked. who eats bak kwa for breakfast? who snacks on cereals after dins, and then snack again before sleep? i cant stop. my efforts to eat clean and stay lean are all gone to waste. i just want to maintain my weight, but the scale just keep on increasing, and this is really affecting me, in every way. you are what you eat? lol bullshit. i might as well just eat a skinny person alive. why did 6kg happen?

October 13, 2013

Drinking from the bottle,

i am totally unsure of the volume consumed last night. stumbled home at around 7am this morning, greeted my dad (oh my parents are real early birds even on weekends), and puked right out in front of him. what a winner right. i never got out of bed (this is really something because most people know that i dont sleep more than five hours a day) then again, i can never sleep properly when i had too much to drink. threw up a couple of times, spent the day w my face on my desk, if not, lying on my bed and couch. i've had worst though. well, good thing's that i dont get hangovers too often, it's been sometime since i got to this state again - absolutely dislike that feeling when you know you had a tad too much, and you are still drunk when you wake up... that really sucks. but i'll never learn. something tells me that these bad times arent exactly bad afterall, and i'm always convinced to drink more or something stronger the next round.

sir paul at jimmy fallon's, so witty, so cool. what a legend.


despite catching a few shows at the same time right now (thevoice usa, xfactor uk, xfactor usa), i've started watching masterchef junior and gosh it's amazing. im so embarrassed. even though i started cooking when i was like, nine? i think i suck at whatever i do haha. im good at.. nothing. oh, and just two days had me catching two full seasons of supersize vs superskinny. that's how busy i am when im at work.

you're welcome.

October 09, 2013

the everyday mundane;

bakkwa for breakfast today (what in the world), made some healthy lunch too because bfast made me guilty.
downed three espresso shots, and still, i managed to fall asleep on my desk at work. holy.
and i got myself a papercut too.

And you play this game in spite to drive me insane;

and baby, it's amazing i'm in this maze with you
i just can't crack your code
one day you screaming you love me loud
the next day you're so cold
one day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
you're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, holy grail

you get the air out my lungs whenever you need it
and you take the blade right out my heart, just so you can watch me bleed
and i still don’t know why, why i love you so much, yeah
and you play this game in spite to drive me insane
i got it tattooed on my sleeve forever in ink with guess whose name
but i still don't know why, why our love is so much

October 05, 2013

Spontaneity,

halloween's round the corner, and every year i get so excited about it. i actually go to websites to check out costumes, and think about who i can be (back in 2010 i wanted to be katy perry, i actually was halfway into making california girl's cupcake BRA outfit) gosh, but every fucking year it's a huge disappointment for me. i see so many people dressing up, and getting so pumped, i get so jelly!! i dont give a damn if i'm gonna embarrass myself or not, but i really wish i could celebrate, party, you know? couple of friends, hanging out dressing up acting like idiots, okay admit it, it's fun! but i just have to be disappointed and upset when this time of the year comes around? i need some spontaneity in my life. some kind of enthusiasm.

oh yes, oktoberfest next week. OH dont remind me about it.
unless you're asking me out for a drink. 

i cant fucking wait for uk already. it's only three weeks since you left me for uk, we've got forty nine more weeks to go lol. big fat joke.
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i miss you so much though.

October 01, 2013

my x world



&&&&&&&&
i now understand how much i'm living in my own world. what's going on?