October 21, 2013

Fuelled by self-doubt?

i hate how there's always this voice at the back of my head, telling me that i'll never succeed or be good at anything i do. i'll never be good enough. i'll never be pretty enough - i probably shouldnt bother about this at all, but yeah that's just me. go ahead and say that im superficial. i go around telling people to look at the bright side, be postitive, and dont worry about shit because everything will be just fine - or if not, better. but ironically, im the one who always freak out internally. talk about positivity. why cant i use them words on myself? i'm so damn tired of being alone, i absolutely hate it. i dont know what i want in my to do w my life at all. last night, i was watching my old vids, vids i did back in 2008/09 days where i had a passion in everything i do, and when i just want to go out there and experience shit, i do anything and everything because i want to do it. what's happening to me right now? the fuck? i had the time of my time. but what now? am i gonna stay right here, my own fucking comfort zone (that is surprisingly not comfy) or what. not to know who you are is probably the scariest thing a person can feel in the world. what you want comes way after. not knowing who you are is almost like you dont even exist inside out, and that is just sad. i need to stop questioning myself about my self worth, and stop feeling like the biggest failure around, i dont know how not to, but i got to. i need to be more positive about my image too. wow ok this weight gain shit is seriously making me really depressed. and ok woah i just typed all of this crap while at work, stellar.

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