March 21, 2014

How we gonna stop the time?

both school and work are in full swing right now. and it's not going very well.

it's coming to the end of financial year in the uk, im working for a uk based organisation btw. well good, because i'll be getting my first ever bonus, i mean minus all the chinese new year redpackets from previous odd jobs, it's my first bonus ever from a full time corporate position, even though it's super minimal (and prorated), i'm still thrilled. bad, because i've only just returned from the uk, i was away from work for just two weeks - and god, look at what's accumulated. xxx emails to clear on my first day back at work, and i had classes the whole entire week. dont even think about jet-lagged bullshit.

i dont even want to talk about school... you know. i dont understand anything at lecture, screw you business finance, i knew i was never good at this shit and now im going crazy. i know, it's so stupid for me to complain about school (all of them teenage angst) but really, after a full day at work, sometimes i just want to do nothing. i want to just rest my eyes, my legs, pamper myself sometimes, but i cant. im so completely stressed out at both work and school. people dont understand!! people think my work is super easy, i mean it is pretty much... but i do have lots of stresses too. dealing with big amounts of money, pretend to know things that i dont, liaising with people from events and marketing when it's not even part of my job scope, and imagine people calling every single mintue when you are busy and your colleague and boss are always away, it's not so easy okay. but if i stop working, who pays my god damn school fees?!?!?! oh right, i was talking about school. school especially, makes me really sad. i hate to feel stupid, i mean nobody does. but going to lectures, just makes me feel real dumb. i dont understand anything, i really dont. and i tried, i tried not to skip any lessons.

my friends are helpful though, but im just completely dumb.
"but you will still get A anyways" oh shut up, that was just one fucking module that i did well, that doesnt even mean anything. i dont know if people were trying to make me feel better or what, but i just dont like that. so much going through my head.

why cant we have spring break too?

blasting this one. makes me feel much better.

finally friday tomorrow xx
every friday is a damn good day.

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